Okay, so things seem to be moving along quite rapidly. I got my stitches out last Thursday. I was squeamish to say the least. I could not shower for another day still, could not put on aloe until Monday(today) and have to wear my sports bra 24/7 for three months. I am actually quite grateful for the sports bra as I am very uncomfortable when I shower unsupported. So, this is what I want to address today.
I had a panic attack in the shower today. I started freaking out about the surgery. It did mot sink in until today. I think because today was the first day I really took a close look. It is amazing how afraid I am of my chest now. I do not like going out in public in case of some freak accident where I somehow have a shopping cart ram into my unsuspecting chest, opening up wounds and having them spill all over the dirty road. I know it is a far stretch, my anxiety is intense, that is why it is classified as a disorder.
I was allowed to put the aloe on my incisions today and felt close to tears while doing this. Admittedly, I am over tired and there was construction in the next room. My breast do not seem like they are mine. I am super happy about them being smaller, I haven't any regrets, and this is not a vanity issue. I just see my chest and it looks so wounded. I have bruising all along the underneath, which has taken on a blackened color. Everything seems like it is not normal.
Logically, I know that everything is going exceptionally well. My PS told me I was healing quite well and I just need to learn how to take it easy.
One thing that I have noticed is that my skin is uncharacteristically dry. All over.
I feel tired and restless.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
I have decided to keep this log for various reasons. I have decided to keep it on-line for one simple reason. When I contemplated having the surgery, reading other journals was very helpful. The writting is just random writting, I am tryng to be as impulsive and honest as possible. Please feel free to post comments if you have any questions. If you have or know of a good link, please inform me. I really believe that in order to demystify all of this, it needs to be discussed openly.
