Okay, so things seem to be moving along quite rapidly. I got my stitches out last Thursday. I was squeamish to say the least. I could not shower for another day still, could not put on aloe until Monday(today) and have to wear my sports bra 24/7 for three months. I am actually quite grateful for the sports bra as I am very uncomfortable when I shower unsupported. So, this is what I want to address today.
I had a panic attack in the shower today. I started freaking out about the surgery. It did mot sink in until today. I think because today was the first day I really took a close look. It is amazing how afraid I am of my chest now. I do not like going out in public in case of some freak accident where I somehow have a shopping cart ram into my unsuspecting chest, opening up wounds and having them spill all over the dirty road. I know it is a far stretch, my anxiety is intense, that is why it is classified as a disorder.
I was allowed to put the aloe on my incisions today and felt close to tears while doing this. Admittedly, I am over tired and there was construction in the next room. My breast do not seem like they are mine. I am super happy about them being smaller, I haven't any regrets, and this is not a vanity issue. I just see my chest and it looks so wounded. I have bruising all along the underneath, which has taken on a blackened color. Everything seems like it is not normal.
Logically, I know that everything is going exceptionally well. My PS told me I was healing quite well and I just need to learn how to take it easy.
One thing that I have noticed is that my skin is uncharacteristically dry. All over.
I feel tired and restless.
Monday, September 11, 2006
Saturday, September 02, 2006
10 days post-op.
I am having a hard time sitting at the computer typing away. Some updates. My surgery went well. I had to wear a splint for a week, which was uncomfortable, but I am really appreciative of it. I believe it helped keep the swelling at bay, as well as my chest in tact. The problems were that it cut of my breathing slightly, as well as was itchy as anything. The splint came off a week after the surgery. I had not seen my chest prior to this. I was laying on the table, nervous, as my PS removed the large wrap. He told me not to look until he said it was okay. The removal of the bandages seem to be extremely painful, but I think it may have had something to do with not knowing what was going on. It is really strange to have someone pulling tape off in this situation. I kept expecting the incisions to open up. That has been my biggest problem. I have an anxiety disorder and an over active imagination. There were many a nights spent awake, imagining the worst going on under the bandages.
So, my doctor finally had me sit up, and instructed my to hold the gauze over my areiolas while him and the nurse helped me get into my sports bra. He told me I could look at that time as well. The first thing I noticed was my hands shaking like crazy. Then it dawned on me that my hands was the first thing I noticed. Not my over developed bosom. Tears sprung up to my eyes, I glanced up at my PS, grinning like a fool, looking back down, exclaiming, "those are my boobs. They are so small!!" I almost hyperventilated. It is unbelievable to see myself with a small chest. I have been large for over half of my life. The sleepless nights, the uncomfortable week, the nausea, the upheaval of normality, it is all worth it. I can hardly move and yet my movement is already less inhibited. I can't wait to be healed enough to cross my arms!
One thing I have noticed a significant difference is in my Arnica intake. I ran out of the capsule/granules, and I felt a dramatic difference in my overall health. My body really started to feel the ache of the surgery. I would strongly recommend taking Boiron Arnica Montana pellets. To be honest, I have not tried any others, but these capsules are fantastic. I had no idea how much they were doing until I ran out of them. I have the gel for when the sports bra comes off and my incisions are closed.
I have to wear the sports bra for a week, then I go in top get the rest of my stitchs out. I am very excited. It is a strange thing to change your body shape such as this. It takes a bit to wrap my head around.
So, my doctor finally had me sit up, and instructed my to hold the gauze over my areiolas while him and the nurse helped me get into my sports bra. He told me I could look at that time as well. The first thing I noticed was my hands shaking like crazy. Then it dawned on me that my hands was the first thing I noticed. Not my over developed bosom. Tears sprung up to my eyes, I glanced up at my PS, grinning like a fool, looking back down, exclaiming, "those are my boobs. They are so small!!" I almost hyperventilated. It is unbelievable to see myself with a small chest. I have been large for over half of my life. The sleepless nights, the uncomfortable week, the nausea, the upheaval of normality, it is all worth it. I can hardly move and yet my movement is already less inhibited. I can't wait to be healed enough to cross my arms!
One thing I have noticed a significant difference is in my Arnica intake. I ran out of the capsule/granules, and I felt a dramatic difference in my overall health. My body really started to feel the ache of the surgery. I would strongly recommend taking Boiron Arnica Montana pellets. To be honest, I have not tried any others, but these capsules are fantastic. I had no idea how much they were doing until I ran out of them. I have the gel for when the sports bra comes off and my incisions are closed.
I have to wear the sports bra for a week, then I go in top get the rest of my stitchs out. I am very excited. It is a strange thing to change your body shape such as this. It takes a bit to wrap my head around.
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